Christian maturity

Grace Growers: How God Uses Difficult People to Shape Our Character

~ Observant Servant

There are certain people in my life who have shaped me more than they probably realize.

Not because they were easy. Not because everything flowed smoothly. But because something in me was exposed in their presence. Impatience. Defensiveness. Pride. The parts of my heart that still needed refinement.

I’ve come to think of them as quiet instruments in God’s hands.

Ephesians 6:12 reminds me, “For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers…” That verse has rescued me more than once. Because when I forget it, I turn people into enemies. When I remember it, I pause.

The battle is not the person.

That shift changes everything.

Instead of reacting in frustration, I’m invited to respond with discernment. Instead of feeding offense, I’m asked to choose grace. It doesn’t make the interaction easy, but it steadies me. It reminds me that God may be doing more in me than through the situation itself.

Jesus said in John 15 that we must remain in the Vine. Growth does not happen because I will it to happen. It happens because I stay connected. And sometimes the evidence that I am growing is not how I feel during a hard conversation, but how I respond afterward.

There have been moments when I wanted to justify my reaction. To defend myself quickly. To withdraw completely. But I’m learning that spiritual maturity often looks like restraint. It looks like asking, “Lord, what are You forming in me right now?”

Hard situations reveal what is still unhealed. Difficult people reveal where I still need patience. Unexpected criticism reveals how secure I truly am.

And if I’m honest, grace rarely grows in comfort.

Galatians 5 speaks of the fruit of the Spirit — love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. I’ve noticed those qualities don’t develop in isolation. They grow when tested. Patience requires something to endure. Gentleness requires something sharp to soften against. Self-control requires something that provokes.

I used to think spiritual growth would feel like constant peace. Instead, it often feels like friction that exposes what still needs surrender.

That doesn’t mean we accept mistreatment or abandon wisdom. Love and boundaries can coexist. Guarding your heart is not the same as hardening it. Sometimes maturity means speaking clearly. Sometimes it means stepping back. Sometimes it means saying no without guilt.

But even boundaries can be set with a steady heart instead of a wounded one.

I’ve had to ask myself difficult questions: Am I growing, or am I just enduring? Am I becoming more like Christ, or just more guarded? When something triggers me, is it because I’m being attacked — or because something in me still needs refinement?

These are not comfortable reflections. But they are necessary.

The truth is, the people who stretch me are often the ones God uses to deepen me. They are not interruptions to my growth. They are part of it.

And perhaps the most humbling realization of all is this: while I am being stretched by someone else, I am probably stretching someone too.

God is not only working on them.

He is working on me.

Every sharp edge is an invitation. Every moment of tension is an opportunity to respond differently than I once would have. Every irritation can become formation if I let it.

I am learning to pray more quickly before reacting. To breathe before speaking. To ask for the Spirit’s help instead of relying on my own restraint.

Growth is quieter than I expected.

It often looks like choosing gentleness when sarcasm would be easier. Choosing peace when proving a point would feel satisfying. Choosing love when withdrawal would feel safer.

And little by little, the rough edges soften.

Not because the world has changed — but because something in me has.

Father,

Thank You for caring more about my character than my comfort.

When I encounter people or situations that stretch me, help me remember that You are present in the process. Guard my heart from quick reactions and defensive words. Slow me down when I want to respond in the flesh. Teach me to pause long enough to ask, “Lord, what are You forming in me right now?”

If pride rises, humble me gently. If impatience surfaces, root it out. If old wounds are exposed, heal them instead of letting them harden me.

Help me to see beyond personalities and remember that my battle is not against flesh and blood. Give me discernment without suspicion. Give me boundaries without bitterness. Give me courage without harshness.

Grow in me what cannot grow in ease, patience, gentleness, self-control, steady love. Let the fruit of Your Spirit be more visible than my frustration.

And if I am someone else’s grace grower, refine me there too. Make me aware of how my words and tone affect others. Shape me into someone who strengthens rather than wounds.

Above all, keep me close to the Vine. Let my growth come from abiding in You, not from striving in my own strength.

Form Christ in me.

In Jesus’ name,
Amen.

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Fruit Inspectors

~ Observant Servant

Stop me if you have heard this one.

“I’m not judging them. I’m just inspecting their fruit”
Have you had an encounter with these “fruit inspectors”?
Maybe they are watching how you worship or even how you pray. I had an encounter a few months ago where I was judged because I didn’t pray they way someone thought I should during corporate prayer. They ridiculed me asking me why I didn’t pray for/about the things they felt I should be praying about or for. And another where because I was struggling, it was insinuated that God was displeased with me. I couldn’t do anything right. It was so bad that I started feeling that God had turned His face from me. That I was a lost cause. It broke me.

So many Christians are so judgemental and not in a loving way at all. They are just straight up mean. And they do it while holding their Bible under the covering of “I’m a fruit inspector. Just doing the Lords work.”
Seriously?
I hear it all the time. The Bible tells us to judge others. We’re to hold our brothers and sister accountable.
Ok.. I get it.
Let’s see what the Bible says.

There are scriptures like Proverbs 31:9 that do say “Open thy mouth, judge righteously…” And we definitely should want our brothers and sisters in Christ to be growing and moving forward. There certainly is a time, a place, and a way to do that, that shows love and truth. The problem is that we don’t see much love and truth. The problem is we don’t fully understand the weight of Matthew 7 that says ‘ do not judge or you too will be judged for in the same way you judge others, you will be judged.

Understand what you are doing when you claim to be a “fruit inspector”. You are saying “God, I know all the ins and outs of this situation, I know every motive hidden or not, and I am just as qualified as you, God, to place judgement on them.” — When you do that, you are saying “God, now judge me.” Is that really what you wanted?

Romans 14:10 says so why do you condemn another believer? why do you look down on another believer? Remember that we will all stand before the judgement seat of God. Each of us will give a personal account to God. Then in verse 13 it says this: So let’s stop condemning each other. Decide instead to live in such a way that wont cause another believer to stumble.
The truth is all this “fruit inspecting” we’re doing does way more damage than anything else. We are showing the world that even us as Christians cannot figure out how to get along. Jesus is love, joy, and peace huh? Let me see it in His followers.

Let me tell you some truth right here. If you really want to make a difference in the world for Jesus, start talking about what you’re for instead of focusing on what you are against. Can you judge other believers? Sure! Absolutely if you want to. But why would you want to? Remember John 3:17 “For God did not send His son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.” If Jesus didn’t come here to condemn people, what makes us think it is our job? If you truly care about helping others grow and become a better person, love them to Jesus. It’s sad that other Christians, even pastors, bash other people under the cover of “righteous judgement”.

There’s nothing wrong at all with helping other people become who they should be in Christ but make sure we are doing it out of love with a pure heart. Not to make us feel better about ourselves. That is self righteousness. For we have all sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. That’s why we all have to depend on His righteousness.
And remember, if Jesus didn’t come to condemn them, then maybe you shouldn’t either.

Author: Kelly K. www.kellykministries.com