Faith

The Reason behind the Storm

~ Observant Servant

Recently one of my good friends was going through a lot of turmoil. Attacks from the enemy right and left. The attacks came physically, emotionally, and through friends and neighbors. The enemy was hitting her quite hard. This went on for several months. When it came to her health, doctors could find nothing wrong. It was clearly a spiritual attack.

Often she would confide in me, and in others and she would tell me what others had stated. “You just need to pray more, have more faith, close doors, make sure you are reading your Bible, capturing your thoughts and renewing your mind. Is there anyone you are not forgiving? Maybe that’s why. You need to really, really forgive.”

The thing was, she was doing all those things. I knew because she would tell me about how she spent a LOT of time in the Word, praying, fasting, seeking God ect.. And yet still her torment continued and she ended up taking months off work because it got so bad.

The enemy had it out for her. Was she doing something wrong? Was she bringing this on herself?

I went through something similar during her ordeal and for a little while after. Though admittedly not quite to the extent my friend had. Sure I had my health hit a bit. I also had strange happenings at the Healing House I manage. I had car trouble, attacks in my sleep.. (and although I wasn’t afraid, I was wondering… “Why is this happening? What is going on?”)

Like my friend, I had also reached out for prayer. And like my friend I was met with the same responses. “You just need to pray more, have more faith, close doors, make sure you are reading your Bible, capturing your thoughts and renewing your mind. Is there anyone you are not forgiving? Maybe that’s why. You need to forgive and mean it. You are being turned over to tormentors because you are not doing these things.”

Facing these barrages of comments and well-meaning advice can end up becoming added fodder when it’s all the person who is requesting prayer hears. The enemy can take this and twist it and use it to condemn the person who is already being weakened by the attacks they have been facing. The well meaning advice can do more harm than help.

The other evening I was listening to a teaching and the speaker stated “If you are doing everything, renewing your mind, not taking offense, not living in sin, God is going to protect you. He’s not going to let the enemy get to you. You are protected by him.”

But is this always the case?

What does the Bible say?

Job lived righteously yet God allowed Satan to wreak havoc on his life. Terrible things happened to him and his family though he was doing nothing wrong. His friends saw all this and insisted that it was because he was doing something he out not to be. Why did this happen? Because God, in His sovereignty, allowed it.

In Luke 22:31 we find that Satan asked the Lord if he could sift Peter. God allowed it, however Jesus prayed for him that his faith may not fail.

As we see, just because a person is living righteously, it does not mean that God will not allow the enemy to sift them once in a while.

In John 9 we are told about a man who was born blind. His disciples asked Jesus who had sinned, this man or his parents. Jesus had replied “Neither. The man was born blind so that the works of God would be made manifest in him”

Sometimes God will allow the enemy to attack you even if you have been renewing your mind, capturing all your thoughts, doing all the things that you know to do. God will allow things that are negative happen to show us miracles of his goodness, mercy and love for us.

Often our first instinct is to hurry up and point out what is wrong in a persons life when the enemy comes to attack but the Bible clearly shows this is not always the case. We should remember to be gracious to those who find themselves in such a position. Pray for them. Ask the Lord for revelation,wisdom and discernment. Things are not always as they seem. Trials are a test of Faith.

God has His reasons for allowing things that to happen that are beyond our human understanding.

His thoughts are above our thoughts.

His ways are not our ways.

Sometimes it’s a refining process.

Sometimes it’s for another reason.

It’s not always a result of “messing up” or falling into sin.

No matter what, we can always know that God turns everything to our good for His glory.

In both my friend’s circumstance and my own, God had revealed to us that it wasn’t anything necessarily that we were doing wrong. We both kept persevering, praying, seeking God and held on to our faith even as the storms darkened. And then, Breakthrough! She through prayer from another and I through a dream where God showed me that He had heard me and he was answering my prayer. From that moment on, everything stopped. All the major struggles, and specifically for me, breakthrough in an area that I had been struggling through for years.

It’s always darkest before the dawn.

So remember to ask God for wisdom in every situation. Sometimes a person may be dealing with something, and God will send them to you for help. And while this may be a test of the person’s faith, it could also be a test for you to see how you will respond and how you will attempt to help this person. How God can be made manifest in their lives through you. There’s a lesson in this for all of us. Remember to love one another, offer grace, be merciful, and don’t jump to conclusions.

Baptism Do-over

~ Observant Servant

Growing up I had been baptized a couple times as a teen. But I just did it because I was in a group of kids who were doing it. It was “the cool thing” to do as part of a youth group. The parents lined us all up and like ducks in a row and one by one we marched up one side of the baptismal, got dunked, and exited the opposite side in front of the congregation. I didn’t remember anything else about it other than getting a free t-shirt afterward.

Fast forward to December 2020, I had it on my heart to get baptized for real this time. However I had much anxiety about the prospect of it. I was in love with Jesus and I was fully aware the meaning behind it. However, as the days led up to it, I had no excitement. I was losing sleep and being plagued with panic attacks.

December 13, 2020 I stood in on the stairs to the baptismal shaking from intense fear as the announcements were read at the church. Waves of dizziness washed over me and I had nearly passed out at least twice. Were it not for the white-knuckled vice-like grip I had on the hand rail, I would have fallen down the stairs. As they announced my name, I entered the baptismal, trembling in fear. My expectation was that it would be washed away when I came up from the water. However, to my dismay, after being dunked, I found I was still unable to escape the fear. I felt ashamed and confused. I didn’t understand.

Where was the joy? Where was the freedom I witnessed others experience during this public commitment to Christ? Why didn’t I have it? Was I broken? Was there something wrong with me?

I left church feeling like I had lost something though I couldn’t put my finger on it. In the days to weeks that had followed, the more I replayed the day in my mind, the more depressed I became. I imagined Father and the angels had watched me that day with expressionless faces.

I continued to think on this a lot through the following years. I had attended other baptisms and witnessed the joy and joined in the celebration of others as they made their public announcement to dedicate their lives to our Lord and Savior. Each time I felt more confused as to why I didn’t have that experience and my depression grew due to my lack of understanding. Eventually I didn’t want to be a part of these celebrations anymore.

Then yesterday I was at the Carter’s and it was announced that Charlie was going to be baptized. My initial thought was to just leave because I didn’t want to be reminded of my own perceived failed baptism again. But I didn’t want to be rude or offend anyone so I stayed. As he and his wife were baptized, I witnessed the peace and joy that fell over them and again my confusion about my experience rolled around in my head. I was happy for both of them but inside my heart was longing for the same experience. And when Bro Mike joyfully asked “who’s next?” the desire hit my heart but I kept my silence. I was dressed in jeans and a sweatshirt and had not brought a change of clothes.

As Bro Mike looked at each person for takers, the Lord reminded me of Acts 8:26-39 when Philip had baptized the eunuch on the road. Water was available and he had seized the opportunity.

When Bro Mike’s eyes landed on me, I felt the familiar fear rise up in me again. I also felt waves of shame and humiliation that I even needed it again. Thoughts filled my head in rapid succession. “I was on the ministry team. I should have it together. I was going to look foolish. I’ll lose respect.” The enemy bombarded my mind using my voice.

Initially I declined. Again, I wasn’t prepared. I had no change of clothes and I’m not exactly at a size where I could just borrow some. But then I was reminded again to seize the opportunity. So I shoved the thoughts out of my mind in determination and hope that this time would be different.

As I stepped into the pool, I felt the fear manifest again. I almost started to cry. Two steps in I felt myself hesitate. The thoughts started coming. “Was I really going to put myself through this torment again?” But I recognized these were not my thoughts.

I felt my body stiffen as I was lead into the pool. I was trying to keep from shaking. I didn’t want the fear I was feeling to show. Bro Mike instructed me to relax and when I did, the fear that had been hiding rose up. I felt the terror and it wanted to get out of the pool. As they did a prayer of deliverance my entire body started shaking and I started crying thinking “oh no, not again”. I wanted to be free of this fear so badly. I kept thinking “Lord please help me”.

There was a point where I did lose control and the fear demon tried to bolt bolt in an attempt to get me out but gratefully, both Mikes had a tight hold on me and kept it from happening.

It was a battle but when it finally left, I knew for a fact it was gone. I felt it lift off me. So on June 22, 2024, this time when I went under, I felt the joy that I had been missing. I felt the peace of God and it stayed with me. 🙌🏻❤️

Deliverance is such an integral part of the Christian walk. When I was baptized before, I didn’t know anything about deliverance. The church didn’t practice it and though I was fully committed to Christ, I was still in torment. It was an angry strongman of fear that was manifesting during that baptism but because the church was unaware, it was not recognized as the issue. The enemy has tricked Christians into believing that anxiety, fear, and depression are merely mental illnesses. In reality, they are demonic entities that have taken up residence.

📖 Hosea 4:6 says “My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge..”

I am living proof. Despite being saved, despite having a deep love for God, despite being born again, I was being destroyed by the enemy because I did not know how to deal with him. And neither did anyone around me.

I praise God for setting me free. 🙌🏻

Stepping out in Faith

~ Observant Servant

A Lesson in Building trust in the Lord

In my first week of knowing the Lord, He asked me if I would work for Him.

I was astonished.

Me? Work for God?

I remember feeling overwhelmed that He would even ask. And that’s exactly what He did. He asked. He did not demand or command as is His right. He asked me.

I babbled “yes, of course! I will do whatever you want, Jesus”. I didn’t know what this job entailed. I just knew that the One who set me free, the One who just saved my life, my heart and my soul, desired me. Despite my past, despite all the sins I had just confessed and begged forgiveness for, (and the sins I could not remember for there were too many to count; but He forgave them ALL.) This – He wanted me to work for Him. After I agreed, He gave me my task.

“Go tell others about me, tell them what I have done.”

It has been over a year since He first spoke those words to me. During that time, whenever I had doubts about if He really wanted me to do this, or doubts in myself as to actually being able to do this, I would pray, asking for confirmation. The enemy was attacking me big time in this manner.

In His faithfulness, patience, endless mercy and grace, He always answered my prayers with His confirmation in various ways.

Four month’s into being a new believer, He led me to a small group that had the same passion to share the Gospel. Once I met them, I knew I had found my new family in Christ. Shortly after meeting them, the pastor sent me a video by Eric Ludy called The Gospel. In the video, I heard nearly the same conversation that I had with Jesus in my heart four months prior. I was blown away. He showed me in dreams that this was my calling and even later He began to show others in their dreams.

 Most recently the enemy caused me to doubt again, but God is so good. He led me to Jeremiah chapter one and gently reminded me of the ways he has orchestrated everything leading up to this point. He continues to lead me and provide for me even this very day. God is great. He is bountiful in His mercy and Grace. His patience is abundant.

I am blessed and honored that the Lord God has given me such a task. I will end this post with these few verses the Lord has put in my heart.

“Come and hear, all you who fear God, and I will tell you what he has done for my soul. I cried to him with my mouth, and high praise was on my tongue. If I had cherished iniquity in my heart, the Lord would not have listened. but truly God has listened; he has attended to the voice of my prayer. Blessed be God, because he has not rejected my prayer or removed his steadfast love from me!” – Psalm 66:16-20

“But you, dress yourself for work, arise and say to them everything that I command you. Do not be dismayed by them, lest I dismay you before them. And I, behold, I make you this day a fortified city, an iron pillar, and bronze walls, against the whole land, against kings of Judah, and it’s officials. They will fight against you, but they shall not prevail against you, for I am with you, declares the Lord.” – Jeremiah 1:17-19

                                                                    

“And  I, when I came to you, brothers, did not come proclaiming to you the testimony of God with lofty speech or wisdom for I have decided to know nothing among you except Jesus Christ and him crucified. And I was with you in weakness and in fear and much trembling and my speech and message were not in plausible words of wisdom but in demonstration of the spirit and of power so that your faith might not rest in the wisdom of men but in the power of God.” – 1 Corinthians 2:1-5