Bible

Standing Firm While God Fights

~ Observant Servant ~ Leave a comment

There are moments in life when it feels like time itself is working against us. The day feels too short for the battle we’re in, and the weight of what God has asked us to do feels heavier than the hours we have to do it. I find myself returning often to Joshua 10:12–14, because it speaks directly to those seasons when obedience feels urgent and the clock feels unforgiving.

Joshua wasn’t asking God for comfort or an escape. He wasn’t asking for the battle to disappear. He was asking for time—time to finish what God had already told him to do. And Scripture tells us something astonishing:

“There has been no day like it before or after it, when the Lord listened to the voice of a man; for the Lord was fighting for Israel.” (Joshua 10:14)

A Bold Prayer in the Middle of the Battle

In Joshua 10:12, Joshua speaks boldly in front of all Israel:
“Sun, stand still at Gibeon, and moon, in the Valley of Aijalon.”

This wasn’t a quiet, private prayer whispered in fear. It was a public declaration of faith. Joshua trusted that if God had commanded the battle, God would also provide what was needed to complete it. And heaven responded.

Verse 13 tells us that the sun stopped in the middle of the sky until Israel had victory over their enemies. The miracle wasn’t about Joshua’s greatness. It was about a God who fights for His people.

When God Is Fighting for You

What moves me most about this passage is not the miracle itself, but the reason behind it. Scripture doesn’t say the sun stood still because Joshua was extraordinary. It says the sun stood still because “the Lord was fighting for Israel” (Joshua 10:14).

That truth still matters today.

When God calls us into a battle—whether it’s for healing, freedom, obedience, perseverance, or spiritual growth—we are not racing against the clock alone. If God is for us, even time bends to His purposes. There are seasons when He sustains us longer than we thought possible, gives strength beyond what we expected, and carries us through moments we didn’t think we could endure.

Trusting God With the Time We Have

This passage reminds me that sometimes the most powerful prayer isn’t asking God to remove the struggle. It’s standing firm and saying, “Lord, I trust You to do what only You can do.”

The same God who held the sun in place in Joshua 10:12–14 is still fighting for His people today. He still hears faith-filled prayers. He still intervenes in impossible situations. And He is still faithful to complete what He has begun.

If you’re in a season where the battle feels bigger than the day, take heart. God is not limited by time—and neither is His ability to finish the work He started in you.

Battle of the sun and moon

The Safety of Being Hidden in Christ

~ Observant Servant

There are seasons when I feel pulled in a hundred directions. Responsibilities. Conversations. Expectations. Noise. And in the middle of it all, I find myself longing for something quieter — not escape, but refuge.

Psalm 91 has become deeply personal to me:

“He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High
shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty.
I will say of the Lord, He is my refuge and my fortress:
my God; in Him will I trust.”
— Psalm 91:1–2

The phrase that lingers with me is “dwells in the secret place.”

It does not say visits occasionally. It does not say rushes through. It says dwells.

There is a difference between knowing about God and living tucked close to Him. Dwelling implies remaining. Lingering. Staying when there is nothing impressive happening. Staying when there is no audience. Staying when the world feels loud.

I am learning that the secret place is not dramatic. It is quiet. It is the steady turning of my heart toward Him before I turn toward the day. It is choosing stillness before reaction. It is letting His voice speak before every other voice gets my attention.

The world rewards visibility. God invites hiddenness.

The world celebrates speed. God cultivates depth.

And depth does not grow in noise.

When the psalmist says we abide under the shadow of the Almighty, I picture being close enough to feel His nearness. A shadow only covers what stands near. The promise is not for the hurried or the distracted. It is for the one who dwells.

I have also realized that the secret place is not about isolation. It is about alignment. I can walk into a room full of people and still carry that quiet steadiness if I have first sat with Him.

There is protection in that kind of life. Not protection from hardship, but protection from losing myself in it. When I dwell with Him, fear does not get to define me. Urgency does not control me. Approval does not anchor me.

He becomes my refuge.

And refuge is not weakness. It is wisdom.

There have been moments when I tried to fight battles without first dwelling. I reacted instead of resting. I spoke before listening. I moved before praying. And I felt the strain of carrying weight that was never meant to sit on my shoulders.

Psalm 91 gently corrects that tendency.

Dwelling is not passive. It is intentional. It is choosing to remain in Him so that when the winds rise, I am not uprooted.

The more I sit with this, the more I realize that the secret place is not a location. It is a posture. It is the quiet decision to trust Him before I trust my own understanding.

“He is my refuge and my fortress: my God; in Him will I trust.”

That last line feels like surrender. Not frantic faith. Not anxious striving. Just trust.

If you feel stretched thin or unsettled, perhaps the invitation is not to do more, but to dwell more deeply. To return to the quiet place where your soul is reminded who holds it.

The secret place is not small. It is sacred.

And those who dwell there are never alone.

Father,

Thank You that my life is hidden with Christ in You. Thank You that I am not exposed to the shifting opinions of the world, not defined by applause or diminished by silence. I am held.

When I am tempted to measure my worth by visibility, remind me that security in You is greater than recognition from others. When hidden seasons feel confusing or small, help me trust that You are forming roots beneath the surface.

Teach me to live from belonging instead of striving. Quiet the part of me that wants to prove, perform, or compete. Anchor me in the truth that I am adopted, chosen, and fully Yours.

If You are growing something in me that no one else can yet see, give me patience. If You are protecting me from pressures I don’t even recognize, give me gratitude. If You are shaping my character in unseen places, give me humility.

Lord, let my identity rest safely in Christ. Let my heart be steady whether I am noticed or not. Help me value faithfulness over fame, obedience over approval, and intimacy with You over public affirmation.

Keep me hidden where I need to be hidden. Bring me forward only when You are ready. And in every season, remind me that being held by You is more than enough.

In Jesus’ name,
Amen.

hidden in christ

When the Past Still Pulls at You

~ Observant Servant

There have been seasons in my life when I’ve asked myself a quiet question:

Why does this still affect me?

A name from the past.
A memory I thought was healed.
An emotion that rises unexpectedly.
A connection that technically ended, but somehow never fully released.

If I’m honest, there have been relationships that lingered long after they were over. Not always in dramatic ways. Sometimes just subtle threads. A pull. A tenderness. A weight I couldn’t quite explain.

Scripture reminds us how deeply human connection can go. Genesis 2:24 says, “The two shall become one flesh.” That kind of joining is not casual. It is spiritual. Intentional. Powerful. And I’ve come to realize that not every bond we form is meant to last.

Some connections are holy. The friendship between David and Jonathan is described in 1 Samuel 18:1 as souls knit together. That was covenant friendship — strengthening, faithful, life-giving. Marriage, when formed in God’s design, carries that same sacred unity.

But other ties are formed in broken places.

Sometimes through intimacy outside of covenant.
Sometimes through trauma.
Sometimes through manipulation, dependency, or shared sin.
Sometimes through vows spoken in emotion that we were never meant to carry.

And even when those relationships end, something can remain.

I don’t always like admitting that. But I have felt it. A difficulty moving on. Thought patterns that circle back. Emotional reactions that feel disproportionate to the present moment.

Hebrews 12:1 says, “Let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us.”

Sometimes the weight isn’t obvious rebellion. Sometimes it’s a lingering attachment.

Unhealthy bonds can quietly shape how we see ourselves. They can influence our decisions, our boundaries, even our spiritual growth. I have had to ask myself hard questions in prayer.

Is this connection drawing me closer to Christ — or subtly pulling me back into who I used to be?

Am I carrying guilt that Jesus already covered?

Am I confusing familiarity with covenant?

These questions are not accusations. They are invitations.

John 8:36 says, “If the Son therefore shall make you free, ye shall be free indeed.”

Freedom isn’t always dramatic. Sometimes it looks like quiet release. Sometimes it looks like repentance. Sometimes it looks like forgiving someone who never apologized.

There was a time when I thought breaking unhealthy ties meant anger. Harshness. Cutting people off abruptly. I’ve learned it is often more gentle than that.

It starts with honesty before God.

Admitting where I stepped outside His wisdom.
Confessing where I formed agreements I shouldn’t have.
Acknowledging where I allowed someone to occupy a space in my heart that belongs to Him.

Then comes forgiveness. Not because what happened was acceptable, but because I no longer want to be spiritually tethered to it.

Proverbs 4:23 says, “Guard your heart, for out of it flow the issues of life.”

Guarding your heart isn’t about building walls. It’s about discernment. Not every connection is meant to be permanent. Not every bond is meant to define you.

What comforts me most is this: the goal is not simply cutting ties. The goal is being rightly anchored.

Hebrews 6:19 calls hope in Christ “an anchor of the soul.”

That phrase steadies me.

Because I don’t want to live detached and guarded. I want to be securely attached to the right place. To Christ first. Then to relationships that reflect His heart. Then to friendships that strengthen faith instead of weaken it.

If something from your past still pulls at you, do not hide from it. Bring it into prayer. Ask the Lord to show you whether it is blessing or burden.

And if it is a burden, trust that the same God who allowed the connection can also untangle it.

Freedom is not cold. It is clean.

And being bound to Christ is the only tie that never needs breaking.

Release and Redemption

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Demons and Deliverance

~ Observant Servant

There’s a portion of my testimony I don’t talk about much and that portion has to do with how badly demons were tormenting me. How terrified I was. I became paranoid. Confused. Thought I was losing my mind. The first time I admitted to what I went through, I was told by a well-meaning Christian, that it was merely a “mid-life crisis”. After that, I never mentioned the depths of torment that I went through again.

In fact, the only time I have openly admitted to it was when I heard someone else talking about their experience. And at that moment I was in tears because I was so relieved I wasn’t alone in my experience.

Demons are nasty and some of the worst ones are let in when a person becomes involved with the occult. I embraced the occult at a young age while still under my parents roof. My mom had her own past that I only know bits of. I know that she was no “dabbler” but into heavy duty stuff that had serious repercussions down the family line. Even after she became a ‘Christian”, I was still raised watching shows like Bewitched, I Dream of Jeannie, Twilight Zone and Tales from the Crypt on a regular basis. Add to that everything Disney had to offer and well, there you see my upbringing was soaked in witchcraft.

I turned fully into the occult by the time I was a teen. That went on for 35 years but in reality, it was my entire life.

When I found myself looking in the direction to Christ for answers, the demons in my life suddenly began rearing their ugly heads. Even though I wasn’t drinking or taking drugs, my mental state went on a terrifying downward spiral toward an abyss that I only knew I wanted no part of.

They began ganging up on me with demons in other people. Thoughts would flow through my mind and the people around me would either say exactly what I was thinking or make a comment about my exact thoughts without me saying a word. It was so horrible. I couldn’t escape my mind. It drove me to God.. and when I committed to Christ, it didn’t get better. In fact it got so much worse. Because now I had switched teams. The threats and visions I got were so intense that had I not been where I was at when it happened, I would have taken myself out in an effort to escape.

Christianity is supernatural.
You can’t escape it.
There is a real unseen realm where the most intense wars are fought.
Any Christian who thinks otherwise or thinks they can skate by and avoid it is fooling themselves.
They are blind.

All of that was part of my journey of deliverance. The only thing was I didn’t realize that I was in the process of it. I still had no idea of what I was up against.

As I stated before, becoming a Christian didn’t stop the torment. When I came to Christ through this process, the Holy Spirit was literally all I had. I didn’t own a Bible and I was in a facility that had no books available. In fact there was nothing available other than a tv with super bad reception. I spent (what I later found out was) a week straight in a large “L-shaped” room with about 20-25 other people. Though had you asked me what day it was or even what time of day it was, I wouldn’t have been able to tell you. It felt like I was outside of time and space. I was aware it was passing but mentally I was outside of it, watching it pass. (Again, this was sober – I had no drugs or alcohol in my system and yet I felt like I was trapped riding a terrifying high.)

It was during this time that I began the process of learning how to hear the Holy Spirit. It was a crash-course in spiritual warfare that continued for months even after I made it back home. Initially it was like my mind was downloading all sorts of information. The veil had been pulled from my eyes and I saw the battle for souls. I watched it play out. I had visions of the wins and losses for both sides. Things that I can’t even describe.

While the enemy filled my mind with threats telling me I would never be safe, that I had a target on my back, that they would never leave me alone, cushioning me with more and more fear, the Holy Spirit would make His presence known to me, promising me that I would be kept safe just as long as I would believe and trust Him. While the enemy would manifest in the people around me and they would talk amongst themselves making their plans against me within earshot, I would pray to walk by them unseen and be amazed when those same people would pass me by as if I was invisible.

When I finally got my hands on the Bible, I began to devour it. After a particularly heavy spiritual attack one night (I was seeing demons manifest themselves outside my bedroom window) I cried out to God for several hours in prayer. I awoke the next morning with the word “Ephesians” on my heart and I began the process of learning who I was in Christ. Slowly my mind became clear. I was still being tormented but I was finally able to function mentally. I believe this was the Holy Spirit showing me how to renew my mind. I stopped seeing spirits and I began to attend church and I felt like my battle was over for the most part.

Or so I thought.

I found a church that did outreach. They had sound doctrine and were really nice people. I shared with them the spiritual side of my journey and their response was one of disbelief. It was nothing like they had ever been through so they couldn’t relate it seemed. They never really talked about the spiritual realm to a level that I seemed to have lived through.

After that, I kept things to myself. I was still suffering. I had major depression. I still had a lot of anxiety and although the urge to end my life was no longer there, intrusive thoughts would come at random. Even on my good days where I truly felt blessed by God. The most common thought I had on a regular basis was a vision of me stabbing myself in my throat. I didn’t know why.

I was often questioned as to why I didn’t have the joy of the Lord and I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t have an answer. I didn’t know that I was still in a battle. I would read the Bible, go to church, worship, pray, share the Gospel and yet I was still in chains. I wasn’t growing fast enough, praying hard enough, doing enough… These thoughts came into my mind and were echoed and pointed out by those around me.

As humans, even the best of us fall short. The enemy doesn’t fight fair and shortly after that I found myself isolated, completely rejected, and curled up in my closet sobbing from the depths of my heart begging God for mercy because I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know what was wrong with me and when my first church family pushed me away, I thought God had abandoned me.

That I was a hopeless cause and a wasted effort.

Then I felt “John 6:37” in my heart.

“All those the Father gives me will come to me, and whoever comes to me I will never turn away.”

I clung to this scripture, repeating it over and over to myself. I was in a state of desperation.

The next day, I got a message that told me to look into Hardcore Christianity.

Looking at the name, the thought came into my mind that this was where they send the toughest cases. The delinquents. The “rebellious individuals who refuse to surrender. A boot camp for the worst of the worst Christians who fail at being a Christian. Like when parents send their kids off to military school to “straighten them out”. I had no idea what to expect. Even after reading the information on the site I was still terrified. But I wanted so desperately to be fixed.

It was only after I watched a teaching by Mike Smith that I came to the full realization that I was still under attack. That all the thoughts I had were not my own. That there were still demons at work inside me and around me. That I wasn’t free. That they had been using both those around me and my own thoughts to skillfully orchestrate my destruction. That the images and thoughts I was having were not me but those of a completely separate entity inside me. Multiple ones at that.

It has been a process, dealing with the layers upon layers of spirits. One of the most important things is mind renewal. This is also a constant thing. An area that you can not, MUST NOT, become complacent in. Lack of mind renewal is like cracks in your armor. You MUST renew your mind and continue to do so. If you do not, the enemy will eat you up and spit you out. The demons will come back like bad relationships. You must get rid of your sin. Learn to hate your sin. Ask God to help you hate your sin.

Deliverance is a journey. The best news is that God is helping you through it. If you are born again, you have the Holy Spirit and you cannot lose.

If you suffer from anything like I have posted above, There is hope!!

Please contact mike@hardcorechristianity.com

https://hardcorechristianity.com/arizona-deliverance-center/

spiritual warfare

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Symptoms of Demonic Operation in a Person

~ Observant Servant ~ 1 Comment

There is a conversation within Christianity that I once avoided because I did not know how to articulate what I had lived through. It revolves around a simple but uncomfortable question: can a born-again believer still be oppressed by demons?

I used to have strong opinions about that question. Now I move more slowly.

What I can say with humility is this: the Bible never plainly says that a Christian cannot experience demonic oppression. What it does show us, repeatedly, is that human beings can be inhabited, afflicted, tormented, and set free.

And I know what freedom feels like because I have received it.

Deliverance changed my life. It shifted the way I understand suffering — in myself and in others. It gave me compassion where I once had frustration. It allowed me to forgive people whose behavior once confused me, and it allowed me to forgive myself for struggles I could not explain.

When I read Mark 5 now, I no longer see just an extreme story about a man in tombs. I see a portrait of torment.

The man in the region of the Gerasenes was not merely troubled. He was isolated. He lived among the dead. He could not function in normal community. Chains could not restrain him. Night and day he cried out and cut himself.

It is easy to distance ourselves from that account. But when I slow down, I see patterns that are not as foreign as we might prefer.

There is the inability to live normally — the withdrawal, the strange pull toward isolation even while longing for connection. There is extreme behavior — anger that feels bigger than the moment, reactions that seem disproportionate, a volatility that harms both the individual and those nearby.

There are shifts in personality. The man said, “My name is Legion; for we are many.” That line used to intimidate me. Now it reminds me that fragmentation is not always psychological alone. Sometimes there are layers at work that counseling by itself cannot untangle.

There is restlessness. “Night and day he was crying out.” I remember seasons when sleep felt unreachable, when my body was exhausted but my mind would not rest. Psalm 127:2 says the Lord gives sleep to His beloved. When sleep becomes elusive without medical explanation, it is worth praying beyond the physical.

And then there is anguish.

Not ordinary grief. Not situational sadness. But a torment that lingers even when circumstances improve. A heaviness that does not respond to encouragement, logic, or willpower.

Mark 5 also shows self-harm. Mark 9 describes a spirit that threw a boy into fire and water to destroy him. These passages are sobering. They remind me that the enemy’s goal has always been destruction — not inconvenience, not mild discomfort, but destruction.

I write this carefully because I know how easily these conversations can become extreme or imbalanced. Not every struggle is demonic. There are real medical and psychological conditions that require compassionate, professional care. But neither should we ignore the spiritual dimension simply because it is uncomfortable.

My own experience with deliverance did not make me dramatic. It made me steadier. It did not make me suspicious of everyone. It made me more discerning. It did not make me arrogant. It made me grateful.

When the Lord exposed what was oppressing me and removed it, I felt something lift that I had assumed was simply “my personality” or “my weakness.” That experience reshaped how I see others. Instead of asking, “What is wrong with you?” I find myself asking, “What might be afflicting you?”

That shift alone has been a gift.

If someone reading this recognizes patterns in their own life — persistent torment, intrusive thoughts, uncontrollable rage, spiritual heaviness that does not yield — I would encourage prayerful discernment. Seek wise, grounded, biblically anchored help. Do not chase sensationalism. Do not isolate. Bring it into the light.

Jesus did not recoil from the man in the tombs. He crossed a sea to reach him.

And when the demons left, the man was found “clothed and in his right mind.”

That phrase moves me every time.

Clothed.
In his right mind.
At peace.

Freedom is not chaos. It is clarity. It is stability. It is rest.

If you are walking through something that feels darker than ordinary struggle, there is hope. There is no torment beyond Christ’s authority. There is no oppression He cannot confront. There is no chain He cannot break.

And sometimes the first step toward freedom is simply admitting that the battle may be more spiritual than you once believed.

demonic operation

God’s Gift of Hate

~ Observant Servant

There was a season in my walk with Christ when my world quietly shifted. When I first became a believer, my circle of secular friends slowly faded and was replaced with Christian community. That part didn’t surprise me. It felt like a natural consequence of choosing a new direction.

What I didn’t expect was that when I began speaking openly about deliverance, my circle would shrink again. Conversations became strained. Some of the same believers who once felt close seemed uncomfortable around me. There was a noticeable distance, an unspoken hesitation. I hadn’t anticipated that obedience would cost me fellowship in certain spaces.

But I can say this now with clarity: it has been worth it.

Following Jesus has always come with a cost. He never hid that. And stepping onto the front lines of spiritual warfare exposes things that comfortable Christianity often prefers not to address. When your eyes are opened to the battle, you can’t unsee it.

Looking back at old journals from when I was newly born again, I can see that the Holy Spirit was gently trying to show me that I still needed freedom in certain areas. At the time, I didn’t understand what I was being shown. Later, when I did become involved in a church, I was warned away from a particular minister whose teachings had been helping me. I trusted the counsel I was given and stepped back. Only now do I realize that the enemy had quietly used well-meaning believers to delay my deliverance.

That realization stirred something in me.

Not bitterness toward people — but a deep, fierce hatred toward what the enemy does to people. I began to see more clearly the destruction, the compromise, the confusion he sows. I saw how he delays healing, twists truth, isolates believers, and even hides behind religious language to keep people bound.

And I realized something else: if we do not hate sin, we will tolerate it.

Scripture says, “You who love the Lord, hate evil” (Psalm 97:10). That used to sound harsh to me. Now it sounds protective. If I love what God loves, I must also hate what harms what He loves. Proverbs 6:16–19 tells us plainly that there are things the Lord hates — pride, lying, violence, wicked schemes, discord among brothers. Godly love does not coexist with passive acceptance of evil.

This kind of hatred is not rage toward people. It is not personal vendetta. It is not self-righteousness. It is a settled, holy refusal to make peace with what destroys souls.

I have learned that hatred of sin strengthens resolve. It sharpens discernment. It fuels repentance. It keeps you from excusing the very thing that once enslaved you. When you truly hate your bondage, you stop negotiating with it.

For years, I misunderstood my struggles. I thought I simply needed to try harder, pray longer, perform better. But real freedom began when I stopped minimizing sin and started seeing it the way God sees it — not as a harmless flaw, but as a thief.

There is a righteous anger that rises when you understand what the enemy has stolen from you and from others. That anger, when surrendered to God, becomes a weapon. Not against flesh and blood, but against deception.

We are heirs of the King. Not timid observers. Not passive bystanders. But sons and daughters called to stand.

If we do not hate sin, we will eventually accommodate it. If we do not hate deception, we will slowly be shaped by it. If we do not hate the enemy’s schemes, we will underestimate them.

This is not about becoming harsh. It is about becoming clear.

And clarity is a gift.

A Prayer for the Godly Gift of Hate

Father,

Search my heart and purify my motives. If there is bitterness in me, remove it. If there is pride in me, humble it. But if there is passivity toward sin, awaken me.

Teach me to love what You love and to hate what You hate. Give me a holy hatred for the things that destroy souls, corrupt truth, and delay freedom. Help me never to direct that hatred toward people, but toward the sin and deception that binds them.

Strengthen me to refuse compromise. Sharpen my discernment so I do not excuse what You call evil. Let my anger be righteous and surrendered, not reckless or fleshly.

Make me bold but gentle. Fierce but humble. Unyielding toward sin, yet overflowing with mercy toward people.

I belong to You. Train my heart for battle. Guard me from deception. And let my hatred of evil always flow from a deeper love for You.

In Jesus’ name,
Amen.

Overcoming the Spirit of Fear

~ Observant Servant

Do you find that you avoid certain people, things, or situations? Avoidance is typically considered a maladaptive behavioral response to excessive fear and anxiety. Christ can help you to gain victory over the spirit of fear through deliverance and mind renewal.

When I was first born again, the Lord set me free from many things. Though I didn’t know it at the time, He had been cleansing me of strong spirits left and right. It was a literal 7 day process. All I did during that time was pray. I didn’t even eat and I barely slept. I didn’t even know that I was “fasting” – I just knew in my heart that I should not eat.

 I didn’t know what was happening. I didn’t understand it. I didn’t know what was happening to my body or why I was going through certain things.

 I didn’t know it was biblical.

“But an evil spirit of this kind is only driven out by prayer and fasting” – Matthew 17:21

I praise God for being set free of the many spirits that I had either willingly or unknowingly let in throughout my life while I was lost. He didn’t cleanse me of everything though. Things were left behind and I believe it was because I was to learn how to fight,how to get them out and keep them out.

A few days after I had gone through this process, I started hearing “threats” in my mind. They would say things like “You’ve got a target on your back. We are coming for you. We will destroy you. You belong to us. We are going to tear you apart.”

Spirits were tormenting me and I didn’t know how to stop it. I didn’t know what to do. I had no one to talk to because I didn’t know any Christians. I hadn’t even had a chance to find a church yet. I cried all day and asked God to hide me and protect me because I was unequipped and I didn’t know how to fight this onslaught. I did not know how to fight against an enemy that I could not see. The fear I was feeling was intense. I would hide in my apartment because I didn’t want to be out in the open for fear the enemy would use my surroundings to eliminate me.

That night before I went to bed, I cried out to God, begging for an answer. I prayed for over 4 hours straight because I was so desperate. When I woke up the next morning, the word “Ephesians” was in my heart. I didn’t know the Bible but I knew that this word was in the Bible. I’m not even sure if I knew it was a book.

At the time, all I had was a Gideon Bible so I looked it up and found the book of Ephesians.  I read it in its entirety learning what it means to be a Christian, and then I reached Ephesians 6:10-18. I knew that was the answer to my prayer. I knew God was showing me how to be strong and fight back. I didn’t have to live in fear.

I wrote it down. I read it aloud to myself every morning when I woke up and every night before I went to bed. I memorized it. I lived it. I breathed it. The tormenting voices stopped and I never heard them again.

This process that the Lord took me through was the renewing of my mind. I didn’t know it at the time. Again, I was still a baby Christian barely 2 weeks old in the Lord. The Holy Spirit was guiding me the entire way.

Renewing your mind is essential in being completely set free. When you read the Bible, especially after deliverance, the Holy Spirit builds you up using the promises of God. He leads you and guides you and grows in your inner man/woman. He takes up a greater amount of space so that the enemy can’t penetrate it. If you do not renew your mind, it is not only possible, but probable, that the enemy can find a chink in your armor and come back in and take up residence. And he will bring bigger/stronger friends.

“When the unclean spirit is gone out of a man, he walketh through dry places, seeking rest and findeth none. Then he saith, I will return into my house from whence I came out; and when he has come, he findeth it empty, swept and garnished. Then goeth he, and taketh with himself seven other spirits more wicked than himself, and they eneter in and dwell there: and the last state of the man is worse than the first. Even so shall it be also unto this wicked generation.” – Matthew 12:43-45

Remember that God is with you. He wants to help you.

You may struggle with anxiety in interpersonal relationships, or going to the store, or dining alone or driving through big cities. I once struggled through all these things I just listed to a debilitating degree. I even dreaded going to counseling with other Christians because of it.  I still do struggle a little in other areas. It’s a constant battle but I have gotten stronger and you will too!

Remember that God has not given us a spirit of fear.

Anxiety is fear-based. The enemy wants you to feel anxiety. He wants you to be afraid to have tough conversations. He wants you to over-think. He wants you focused on yourself, how you are feeling, and imagining what others are thinking or saying about you because then you are taking your eyes off God.

Trust in God.

Talk to Him.

Repent for giving in to the spirit of fear and the negative thoughts that follow.

Read your Bible and renew your mind.

Your freedom will come through consistency of doing these things.

God bless you.

Father,

There was a time when fear felt louder than truth, when threats seemed more real than Your promises. If there is still any residue of fear hiding in me — expose it gently and remove it completely. I do not want to live avoiding people, places, or callings You have prepared for me because of torment that no longer has authority.

Lord, thank You for being patient with me when I did not understand what was happening. Thank You for cleansing me even when I didn’t have language for it. Thank You for guiding me when I was spiritually young and unequipped. You never left me alone in the battle.

Teach me to renew my mind daily. Help me not just to experience moments of freedom, but to walk in sustained freedom. Build Your Word so deeply into my heart that there is no empty space for the enemy to occupy. Strengthen the armor around my thoughts. Guard my imagination. Anchor my identity in who You say I am.

When fear whispers, remind me of Ephesians 6 — that I am not powerless, not exposed, not defenseless. Clothe me in truth. Establish me in righteousness. Plant my feet in the gospel of peace. Raise my shield of faith. Protect my mind with salvation. Place the sword of Your Spirit firmly in my hand.

If there are still places in me that need courage, grow it. If there are habits of avoidance that need to be confronted, give me grace to face them. I do not want to shrink back. I want to stand.

Holy Spirit, fill every space that deliverance has made clean. Occupy my thoughts. Govern my emotions. Make my inner life strong and steady. Let Your presence take up so much room in me that darkness finds no place to return.

I belong to You. I trust You. And I choose to walk forward — not hiding, not trembling — but strengthened, protected, and renewed.

In Jesus’ name,
Amen.

spirit of fear

Sacrifice of Praise

~ Observant Servant

“And then Job arose and rent his mantle, and shaved his head, and fell down upon the ground and worshiped. And said, “Naked I came out of my mother’s womb, and naked shall I return. The Lord givith and the Lord taketh away. Blessed be the name of the Lord.”
-Job 1:20-21

There are seasons when I return to the book of Job, not because it is easy to read, but because it is honest.

Many people struggle with it. It feels heavy. A righteous man. A faithful man. And God allows everything to be stripped away. His home, his livelihood, his children, his health. It almost feels unbearable to witness. And yet, woven through the anguish is something steady. Job’s refusal to let go of God, even when he could not understand Him.

For reasons I didn’t fully grasp at the time, the Holy Spirit led me through Job in the early months after I was born again. I remember reading it slowly, trying to absorb what it meant to trust God when nothing made sense. Looking back, I can see that I was being prepared.

Because not long after I finished the book, my own life unraveled.

Within a short span of time, I lost friendships. I lost my place to live. I didn’t own a car, so when relationships fractured, I also lost transportation and my job. One of those same “friends” left me carrying a heavy financial burden. My relationship with my daughter collapsed. My father passed away. The hits came so quickly that I barely had space to breathe between them.

I was broken in ways I didn’t have language for. Angry. Grieving. Regretful. Confused.

And yet, even in the grief of losing my dad, I could see mercy. His passing was nearly instant. That mattered to me. I thanked God for that small kindness in the middle of so much loss. It felt strange to be thankful while hurting, but gratitude became a lifeline.

Throughout that storm, Job stayed in my thoughts. I remembered how he worshiped even while he wept. How he wrestled honestly with God, but never abandoned Him. How he refused to curse the One he did not understand.

So I tried to do the same.

Some days, my praise felt thin. Some days it felt like a whisper more than a song. But I thanked God for what remained. For breath. For salvation. For being pulled out of darkness. For the cross. For the lessons I didn’t yet understand. I thanked Him for the fact that I was still alive to learn them.

Something shifted in me during that time. The circumstances did not immediately change. The pain did not disappear overnight. But peace began to settle in places that had once been frantic. It was not denial. It was not pretending. It was a quiet assurance that God was still present in the rubble.

In time, restoration came. Not in the exact shape I had imagined, but in ways that were better than what I lost. New friendships. A place to live. A vehicle. Healing in some family relationships. Provision I could not have orchestrated on my own. God rebuilt in ways that felt both tender and strong.

There are still areas waiting on His timing. But I no longer panic in the waiting.

Even now, as I walk through another uncertain season, I find myself returning to that same posture. Praise in the middle of not knowing. Trust in the absence of visible answers. I think of Abraham stepping away from everything familiar, not with a map, but with a promise. I imagine the mixture of fear and faith in that obedience.

There is a reason Scripture calls it a “sacrifice of praise.” A sacrifice costs something. When your heart aches, when your body is weary, when confusion clouds your direction, praise does not come naturally. It is offered. Chosen. Laid down.

The enemy would prefer silence. He would prefer bitterness. He would prefer that pain close your mouth and harden your heart.

But praise disrupts that strategy.

Praise anchors you in truth when emotions are unstable. Praise reminds your soul of who God is, even when you do not understand what He is doing. Praise opens space for peace to enter.

I have learned this slowly, through tears more than triumph. When you lift your voice — even trembling — something shifts. Not always the circumstance. But you.

And in that shift, you begin to sense it again: He is faithful.

Even here.
Even now.

Healing of the Heart and the Role of Deliverance

~ Observant Servant

One of the biggest things I have struggled with is allowing others to get close to me. Like many of you, there have been severe wounds inflicted on my heart that left deep scars and even more areas that have left my heart raw. Lies, betrayal, abandonment, feelings of worthlessness. For years, most (if not all) of my adult life, my heart bore the weight of this burden. It manifested itself on the outside as well in more ways than one. Sure my attitude could be forced into an appearance of everything being great in my life, but there was a spirit of depression on me.

Yes, Christians can be infested with demonic spirits. I know that there is a lot of controversy surrounding this topic. The thing is, the enemy copies everything of God. We know this. He twists it, he perverts it, he makes as a appealing as possible to the masses and, sadly, fools even the followers of Christ. The subject of the gifts such as the gift of tongues and Deliverance is no exception to this. One must pray for discernment not to be deceived.

The spirit of depression manifested itself through my creativity. My inspiration always came from a wounded heart steeped in rejection and isolation, and if I am being honest, unforgiveness . Art projects reflected dismal, dreary and sometimes even dark scenes. Creative writing while pouring out my heart, always resulted in the saddest of stories. When I would create, the mask would fall away and even the most cheerful colors were laced with scenes of heartache. Repentance and surrender to Christ changes that.

Once I forgave others and myself (you MUST forgive yourself), God began the process of healing my heart. It was often a struggle. Every loving touch hurt. My heart was battered and bruised. It had areas of infection that needed to be cleaned. With any wound, the cleansing process is unpleasant. Sometimes it hurts terribly as the antiseptic is used to wash away all of the infected areas. The process of cleansing the heart is no different. In order for the healing process to be effective, God must cleanse it first. This means exposing unwanted areas. But the Lord God has the most gentle touch and the most loving way to handle tender hearts to make them whole again. The result is feeling so much lighter and freer and experiencing true joy.

God has been working on my heart. As with all healing, it takes time. It is a process. There are times that it took prayer and fasting and there were times it took something stronger. An army of prayer warriors and deliverance.  The most uncomfortable part of it was the exposing of my wounded areas to God and others. Becoming even more vulnerable. Admitting I was still hurting. Being reminded of those painful times in my life that I just wanted to bury and hide away. They had to come out. They had to be exposed. Like any wound, if you just cover it up, infection sets in. So my wounds had to be uncovered in order to be attended to. After prayer and deliverance from the spirits that were haunting me, I felt cleaner. My heart was lighter. My soul could breathe. Jesus set me free. Repentance, forgiveness and deliverance were the method. I am so grateful and I pray that each one of you can experience the love of God through being set free.

Your Christian walk is to be filled with joy despite the circumstances you find yourself in. The only way to have that joy is to surrender to Jesus.

Father,

You see every hidden wound, every place in my heart that I have tried to protect, cover, or bury. You know the betrayals, the abandonment, the lies that tried to define me. You know the weight of rejection I have carried and the shame I have wrestled with in silence.

Lord, I bring my heart to You again.

Where it is bruised, touch it gently.
Where it is infected, cleanse it.
Where it is hardened, soften it.
Where it is still afraid to trust, breathe courage into it.

I choose to forgive — not because it was easy, not because it didn’t hurt, but because You forgave me. I release those who wounded me. I release the accusations I have held against myself. I refuse to partner with bitterness, rejection, or depression any longer.

In the name of Jesus, I renounce every spirit that attached itself to my pain. Every lie that says I am unworthy, unlovable, or alone — I reject it. I receive Your truth instead.

Heal my heart, Lord. Cleanse what needs cleansing. Expose what needs exposing. Give me the humility to let You and others see the tender places so they can be made whole.

Teach me how to love again without fear.
Teach me how to be vulnerable without shame.
Teach me how to walk in joy — real joy — that comes from surrender.

Fill the places that once held darkness with Your light. Replace heaviness with freedom. Replace sorrow with gladness. Replace isolation with holy connection.

Thank You for Your patient hands. Thank You for not rushing the process. Thank You for never abandoning me in my brokenness.

I surrender my heart to You completely.

In Jesus’ name,
Amen.

Fruit Inspectors

~ Observant Servant

Stop me if you have heard this one.

“I’m not judging them. I’m just inspecting their fruit”
Have you had an encounter with these “fruit inspectors”?
Maybe they are watching how you worship or even how you pray. I had an encounter a few months ago where I was judged because I didn’t pray they way someone thought I should during corporate prayer. They ridiculed me asking me why I didn’t pray for/about the things they felt I should be praying about or for. And another where because I was struggling, it was insinuated that God was displeased with me. I couldn’t do anything right. It was so bad that I started feeling that God had turned His face from me. That I was a lost cause. It broke me.

So many Christians are so judgemental and not in a loving way at all. They are just straight up mean. And they do it while holding their Bible under the covering of “I’m a fruit inspector. Just doing the Lords work.”
Seriously?
I hear it all the time. The Bible tells us to judge others. We’re to hold our brothers and sister accountable.
Ok.. I get it.
Let’s see what the Bible says.

There are scriptures like Proverbs 31:9 that do say “Open thy mouth, judge righteously…” And we definitely should want our brothers and sisters in Christ to be growing and moving forward. There certainly is a time, a place, and a way to do that, that shows love and truth. The problem is that we don’t see much love and truth. The problem is we don’t fully understand the weight of Matthew 7 that says ‘ do not judge or you too will be judged for in the same way you judge others, you will be judged.

Understand what you are doing when you claim to be a “fruit inspector”. You are saying “God, I know all the ins and outs of this situation, I know every motive hidden or not, and I am just as qualified as you, God, to place judgement on them.” — When you do that, you are saying “God, now judge me.” Is that really what you wanted?

Romans 14:10 says so why do you condemn another believer? why do you look down on another believer? Remember that we will all stand before the judgement seat of God. Each of us will give a personal account to God. Then in verse 13 it says this: So let’s stop condemning each other. Decide instead to live in such a way that wont cause another believer to stumble.
The truth is all this “fruit inspecting” we’re doing does way more damage than anything else. We are showing the world that even us as Christians cannot figure out how to get along. Jesus is love, joy, and peace huh? Let me see it in His followers.

Let me tell you some truth right here. If you really want to make a difference in the world for Jesus, start talking about what you’re for instead of focusing on what you are against. Can you judge other believers? Sure! Absolutely if you want to. But why would you want to? Remember John 3:17 “For God did not send His son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.” If Jesus didn’t come here to condemn people, what makes us think it is our job? If you truly care about helping others grow and become a better person, love them to Jesus. It’s sad that other Christians, even pastors, bash other people under the cover of “righteous judgement”.

There’s nothing wrong at all with helping other people become who they should be in Christ but make sure we are doing it out of love with a pure heart. Not to make us feel better about ourselves. That is self righteousness. For we have all sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. That’s why we all have to depend on His righteousness.
And remember, if Jesus didn’t come to condemn them, then maybe you shouldn’t either.

Author: Kelly K. www.kellykministries.com